I don't like Aishwarya
I don't like Aishwarya Rai, because -
Too many other men do.
It gets on your nerves, doesn't it?
She has cold eyes...
Like light-dark marbles, unusual but stony. Icy demeanor, as well. Marble-like skin. All cold. All hard.
She's too 'careful' when she speaks...
Too 'correct'.
She's slim...
Too 'correct' a figure. Too right a bust, too shapely a leg. Give me a little flab, anyday. It's comforting. It's real.
She's done too many great roles, for which she had neither the talent nor the credentials. It's not fair.
She played Paro in Devdas, an eternal, complex role that should have gone to someone else. Raincoat, Choker Bali, Bride and Prejudice... I mean, imagine these films with a super actress (yes, I will say actress. I will not say 'actor') like Tabu or Rani Mukherjee doing these roles. Or, even moderately talented ones like Kajol or Juhi Chawla...
She attended Cannes and wore SUCH bad clothes.
It was such a shame. She should have just draped one lovely sequined Saree instead of those atrocious gowns. And she gave Indian couture a bade name, I'm sure.
The 'west' toasts her as the most beautiful woman in Bollywood.
Puh-leez! They should go check out delicate warmth of Tabu's eyes, or the chiselled voluptuousness of a Bipasha Basu. And I swear by the implanted assets and skinny legs of Sushmita Sen. When she swished, swayed and jhtako-matkoed in Main Hoon Na... I mean, even I was tempted! Delicioushh-shush.
She's never had a good, out-in-the-open, scandalous affair.
Salman Khan was right out there - beating (bleating?) at her door down in the middle of the night. Vivek Oberoi called the cops and a press conference. But Aishwarya Rai just doesn't say or do anything juicy. Anything flamboyant. Anything emotionally extravangant. She's so bloody careful!
She will go down in history as the non-actress who got some decent films.
She not history material.
There's nothing else to her, but a certain perfection of skin and symmetry of features. We will stop wanting her, in ten years.
We won't even remember she exists, unless she does a Parveen Babi, at some point in a bleak, lonely future. Or gets into an abusive marriage, like Zeenat Aman. Or develops links with the mafia. Or bares all for Hollywood, a la Mandakini. Or gives birth to a daughter who gets into the films too.
Too many other men do.
It gets on your nerves, doesn't it?
She has cold eyes...
Like light-dark marbles, unusual but stony. Icy demeanor, as well. Marble-like skin. All cold. All hard.
She's too 'careful' when she speaks...
Too 'correct'.
She's slim...
Too 'correct' a figure. Too right a bust, too shapely a leg. Give me a little flab, anyday. It's comforting. It's real.
She's done too many great roles, for which she had neither the talent nor the credentials. It's not fair.
She played Paro in Devdas, an eternal, complex role that should have gone to someone else. Raincoat, Choker Bali, Bride and Prejudice... I mean, imagine these films with a super actress (yes, I will say actress. I will not say 'actor') like Tabu or Rani Mukherjee doing these roles. Or, even moderately talented ones like Kajol or Juhi Chawla...
She attended Cannes and wore SUCH bad clothes.
It was such a shame. She should have just draped one lovely sequined Saree instead of those atrocious gowns. And she gave Indian couture a bade name, I'm sure.
The 'west' toasts her as the most beautiful woman in Bollywood.
Puh-leez! They should go check out delicate warmth of Tabu's eyes, or the chiselled voluptuousness of a Bipasha Basu. And I swear by the implanted assets and skinny legs of Sushmita Sen. When she swished, swayed and jhtako-matkoed in Main Hoon Na... I mean, even I was tempted! Delicioushh-shush.
She's never had a good, out-in-the-open, scandalous affair.
Salman Khan was right out there - beating (bleating?) at her door down in the middle of the night. Vivek Oberoi called the cops and a press conference. But Aishwarya Rai just doesn't say or do anything juicy. Anything flamboyant. Anything emotionally extravangant. She's so bloody careful!
She will go down in history as the non-actress who got some decent films.
She not history material.
There's nothing else to her, but a certain perfection of skin and symmetry of features. We will stop wanting her, in ten years.
We won't even remember she exists, unless she does a Parveen Babi, at some point in a bleak, lonely future. Or gets into an abusive marriage, like Zeenat Aman. Or develops links with the mafia. Or bares all for Hollywood, a la Mandakini. Or gives birth to a daughter who gets into the films too.

2 Comments:
I object - most guys I know (including myself) dislike Aishwarya for the very reason that she is too cold.
But you have to grant that she is easily the smartest actress in Bollywood - so much so that she is the face of India to most of the West.
Ah! Finally, someone who shares my feelings about Aish. She's one sick female: note I'm not even calling her a "model" or "actress." She appears--and probably is--too calculating, somehow seems incapable of sincerity.
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